I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
