my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
