So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
