So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
ugly people sure do ruin things
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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