At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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