I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
