We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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