I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
