I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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