New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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