Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
