YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Never joke about your clitoris.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
