i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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