The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
