so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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