90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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