therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
