I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
