It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
