It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
