i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I have already put on my inside pants.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
