her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
