So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
