I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
