I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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