I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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