So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
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a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
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then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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