My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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