umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
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Are my feet made of real feet?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
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I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
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