ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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