I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
