I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
