how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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