i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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