"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
