my sisters under your porch take her home
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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