One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
