take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
