Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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