I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
