I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
