Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize