Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Drake has all the answers
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
