To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
