K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
