bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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