I think my fart just growled at me.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
