He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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