Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
We got so high we made milksteak
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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