I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
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there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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