I think i sorta joined a cult last night
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
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I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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