Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
