My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
